A Love Letter to God

Dear God,

It has been a long time since I wrote a love letter to You. These few days, I've just been seeking You from the Bible but not telling You what my heart's been thinking.

Today I went to Ahma's(my paternal grandmother) house because Gugu(my aunt) said that Ahma misses me a lot and I should accompany her for the whole day. I had in mind to do a few chapters of TAWG so I packed my Bible, journal and Church file inside my bag. I brought my Chemistry textbook too, in case Gugu wanted to check when she came home. When I got there, I ate fish porridge as lunch and after that, I went into Gugu's room to do my TAWG. But before that, I picked one of Gugu's books from the shelf - entitled:
"12 encouraging promises from the Bible". In the introduction, the author described God's promises like a cheque payable by order. God's promises have already been written on it and we have to receive it by faith! That involves laying the promise before God and claiming it as yours - just like how you have to present the cheque to the bank for you to get the cash! I read the first two promises and there's this promise that really taught me something.

Isaiah 43:2
When you pass through the waters,
I will be with you;
and when you pass through the rivers,
they will not sweep over you.
When you walk through the fire,
you will not be burned;
the flames will not set you ablaze.

Your promise was brought to life in the Biblical event of The Image of Gold and the Fiery Furnace, Daniel 3.
King Nebuchadnezzar set up an image of gold for the whole nation of Babylon to worship but Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego would not! So the king summoned them and tried to fighten them with the thought of throwing them into the blazing furnace. Instead, the three men were not afraid!

v16-18 >> Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego replied to the king, "O Nebuchadnezzar, we do not need to defend ourselves before you in this matter. If we are thrown into the blazing furnace, the God we serve is able to save us from it, and He will rescue us from your hand, O king. But even if he does not, we want you to know, O king, that we will not serve your gods or worship the image of gold you have set up."

v25 >> He( King Nebuchadnezzar) said, " Look! I see four men walking aroung in the fire, unbound and unharmed, and the fourth looks like a son of the gods."

Notice God didn't protect Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego FROM the fire. He protected them IN IT! Trials and temptations have been around since the days of Adamm and Eve, and there is no way to avoid it. But we can be sure that God is with us in every trial that we go through! And just like that furnace, we will walk out of it victoriously!
v27 >> They saw that the fire had not harmed their bodies, nor was a hair of their heads singed; their robes were not scorched, and there was no smell of fire on them.

After reading that book, I opened my Bible and journal and started by praying for my fast. Then I turned to Job 41'42 to read, but I couldn't fnd one verse to focus on! I taped away what I learnt from Job 42:3, and rewrote Job41:10-11. Then I rephrased that verse, writing ' No one can compare to God. No one can blame God.' Then I got stuck, I didn't know how to rephrase "Everyhting under heaven belongs to me." Then I thought that maybe it wasn't You speaking to me and that I was just trying to find a verse to settle down with, so I taped it away again. Several times it happened, and several times I prayed. Yet those voices kept coming in! Were all of them You, God??

Then I decided to stop, so I plugged in to my handphone MP3 and began to worship You, Then Ahma came and stood at the door, asking me something. I was upset at being disturbed, so I stopped singing, dropped my head down and said nothing. I ignored her. I think Ahma might called em a few more times but I was with my plugs and I decided not to take off my earplugs to ask her whether she really called me or not.

Feeling tired after singing, I slept until 0415pm. Then I woke up and went outside to watch TV until evening came and I saw Papa's reflection on Gonggong(my paternal grandfather) glass frame, nearing the door. I chose to sit up from my 'lying-down' position and sat even closer to the TV, ignoring His presence when I knew too well that I should be getting up and opening the gate for him! Papa used his own key, went in and ate his dinner, talking to Ahma at the same time.

When he came to the gate again, opening it to leave, I ran to the kitchen to avoid the situation.There, I asked Gugu if I could see her sceneric photos after she bathed. She said yes. Then Ahma asked me in Mandarin,
" Want to eat already or not?"
I had prayed earlier in the day, that God, You would provide a way out of this(I was fasting my dinner this week). But I guess I didn't believe. In my mind, I kept thinking I was surely going to eat and the thought of Ahma's dimmer made me reluctant to believe. So when she said again, " So late already!",I replied, "ok la ok la!" and ate. Halfway through, Ahma joined in to eat. I saw her troubled and tired face so I asked her,
"Ahma, are you very troubled? You very tired issit? I see you eat...like..."
"Good that you know."
"Tell me la."
"You don't listen lor. I look at you also cannot. You angry." Ahma had tears in her eyes and I just sat there, at the other side of the table, looking at her...

Then Gugu came out of the toilet and she asked me whether I was going out tomorrow. I said, "I don't think so..."
"What do you mean? You must be sure..."
I thought for a while before remembering that I still had to send Veron an e'mail, so I said, "I'm staying home."
"WHY?" Gugu said, and I felt her usual tone that sounded demanding to me.
"Cos I have something to do on the computer..." I didn't feel like telling anything to a voice like that.
"WHAT?"
"e-mail my friends..."
"ABOUT WHAT?"
"some...notes"
"You e-mail some notes need to take the whole day one ah? You will go out after that RIGHT?"
"No, I'll be too tired."
"WHY? cos you'll spend hours on the computer right?!"
"...definitely more than one hour..."
"No, you come to my house tomorrow. After your e-mail, YOU COME."
"...okay..."I really didnt welcome the idea of going to Ahma's house on a Saturday...The conversation went on and on, and I felt terrible!

Then came the time for me to go home. As usual, Ahma was there to walk me home. As we climbed down the stairs, my feet couldn't any further in those 'Japan-style' slippers so I called out to Ahma, "Ahma, can you walk slower?...cos its very pain"
"Told you not to buy those shoes with that thing in the middle! Why did you buy? See, now you pain!"I interrupted, "Told you that mummy bought it for me, you don't believe!"
"You weren't there?"
"No"
"Then you still wear outside.."
"I dont have any more slippers already!"

When we came to the convenience store beside 'Shop n Save', Ahma asked me to choose a slipper I like so that I could wear back home. Still angry at her blaming me for buying the slipper, I said, "Don't want! Waste money." and walked off. then she suddenly shouted, "tell you to BUY!" and evryone looked at me as i Turned to look at them. I was even more angry with Ahma for raising her voice.

With my new slippers, I could walk properly again. So I walkedfast ahead of Ahma, tearing but not letting her see. When we came to the carpark, she stopped and I walked straight past her back home. God, today, I behaved as if I was not your child! For so many times, I chose to follow the devil and let him come into my mind, control my emotions. I failed to recognise him, what he was doing, who he was trying to make me into!

God, forgive me. Forgive me for repeating my mistake! And I know that going to Ahma's house tests my faith! But even as your word says in 1 Peter 1:7
These (trials) have come so that you faith - of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire - may be prove genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed. , going to Ahma's is not a torture! Rather, going to Ahma's house is a challenge for me to rise up in my faith and comquer the devil!

God, from now on, I do not want to satisfy the sinful nature within me! Lord, I want to wake up every day, telling myself that I WANT TO BE HUMBLE BEFORE YOU and I WANT TO BE HUMBLE BEFORE MAN!

So Lord, even as Psalm 3:5-6 says
I lie down and sleep; I wake again, because the
Lord sustains me.
I will not fear the tens of
thousands
drawn up against me on
every side. ,
Lord, God Almighty, my Father in Heaven, guard my thoughts the moment I wake up! When the sinful desire tuggs at me, may You call out through the rain and calm the storm in me!
Let my heart tune into Your will,
my ears be sensitive to Your calling,
my eyes fixed upon You,
my mind belong to You and
my soul carried in Your arms

For I long to be with You.
For I long to follow You.
For all I need is You.



So that day after writing this letter, I decided to sms my friend, Venny. Venny is my close friend in school, and she is a Catholic. Last month, we fell out with each other and ever since, I didn't even try to reconcile this friendship. We were practically having a cold war; I shunned whenever I saw her. But that night, I decided that I must no longer hold on to this PRIDE i have so I smsed her:

"Venny, I have just done my TAWG and just smsed Edwin and I've decided that I cannot grieve God any longer by holding on to my pride. Today, let me say sorry for breaking your heart. God's word says 'Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry' yet I carried this anger with me for days and when you called me, I disobeyed God again. I said a mean thing out of the sinful nature stored up in me. Resentment is never part of the Kingdom of God, and I don't want to belong to anyone else except God! From now on, I will strip away my self-worth and be humble before man and God. If ever I ignore you when we meet again, I pray that God will sustain me and bring back from pride."

Then Venny replied! She said that she had been thinking of smsing me too and that God answered her prayer and she was very thankful to Him! Then I got even more encouraged so I smsed my FATHER:

"Papa, today God spoke to me and He's been telling me to let down my pride! To humble myself before Him and before man. And I dont want to let the devil control me in my family anymore. All this while, I've been holding on to the times when you scolded or hit me, but I know that resentment is never part of the kingdom of God! So now, I'm throwing away my self-worth to honor you. And if ever I do not recognise the enemy's temptations and be rude, I pray that the Lord will sustain me and bring me back into Him:)"

This is a breakthrough in my relationship with my dad! cos you must understand that we do not ever talk to each other unless we HAVE HAVE HAVE to. And every time he comes back home, I'll almost ignore his presence totally! But I dare not say that this is a tremendous breakthrough unless I persevere to the end and honour him in the days to come.Praise be to the Almighty GOD!!!

Zealots and friends, just want you all to know that we should NEVER let down our guard to what the enemy is doing, cos he can strike very badly if you dont take up your armour everyday...as Ephesians 5:28 says
Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything to stand.

Have a good week ahead! And remember this last verse:)